If you are reading this article that tells me a few things about you.
1. You’ve probably tried losing weight in the past and failed. Why else would you be reading this article?
2. You’ve tried several different “extreme diets” such as keto, OMAD, vegan, with little results.
3. You’ve probably gained and lost weight several times and you keep searching for the “perfect diet” to help you lose weight and be healthy.
If any of the above statements apply to you then I’d advise to keep reading.
First of all, why should you listen to someone on the internet about how to lose weight? The truth is that I am not an expert in weight loss, but simply a person who has tried and failed losing weight time and time again. I still consider the greatest accomplishment of my life losing 100 pounds prior to getting married. Now I did lose 100 pounds, but I also gained about 80 pounds of it back. During this painful process (both the losing and the gaining) I’ve gathered quite a bit of insight when it comes to weight management.
I use the term weight management meaningfully. The reason is that most people know that they are overweight, and something in their life needs to change, but they don’t know what. Many people mistakenly believe the terms healthy, healthy weight, in shape, and weight loss all mean the same thing. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a wise friend once told me, it all starts by asking yourself “What’s your goal?” After you answer that question, you can begin on your weight-loss journey.
The answer that I had to that question was weight loss. Unfortunately that was the wrong goal, and I wish my answer had been health rather than weight-loss. I can’t decide your goals for you, but I will proceed in this article under the assumption that ultimately you desire to live a healthy life full of vitality. Not to lose some weight for a wedding, not to show up your ex-girlfriend, and not so you can gain it all back. If you are ready, let’s get started.
Once this oh so crucial question of goals has been answered, one must realize that there are two factors that stand in the way of people living a healthy life. The first is a lack of knowledge about diet and nutrition, and the second is psychological impediments that stand between us and our goals. I could spend pages and pages trying to explain macros, calories in calories out, sustainability, whole foods, and on and on. However, the nutrition industry in the United States is worth roughly 61 billion dollars and trying to encapsulate all of that information in article form will have to wait for another time.
My deepest issue when it comes to my health and weight management is not a lack of knowledge of nutrition, but the inability to deal with the psychological impediments that stand between me and my goals. As famed trainer Sal Di Stefano so elegantly stated “Most people don’t need a nutritionist, they need a psychologist.” When I see morbidly obese people I feel alot of empathy. I know that locked inside a person who is eating themselves to death is a tortured soul in need of therapy. If you are reading this article chances are you can relate to my analogy, or you know someone who can.
Although there are many ways I could approach the topic of disordered eating I think it’s beneficial to realize first why we should eat. Eating is essential to life, and we must eat to survive. But when we do eat we should remember that an ideal goal for most is to eat for the purpose of greater vitality, health, and our own well being. Oftentimes we eat for reasons other than those stated above, and after I wrote down all the personal reasons I overeat I was able to sort the reasons into 3 main categories.
- Soothing and Comfort
- Habit and Ritual
- Lack of Self Care
Soothing and Comfort
Eating literally makes us feel better. It activates our digestive system and removes our focus from whatever else is going on at the moment. It allows our brain to secrete oxytocin, a soothing chemical, and tests have shown that as little as 5 grams of sugar can lower cortisol levels. When you are an anxious, angry, lonely, or hopeless person the draw of food to soothe your pain can be intoxicating. To combat soothing eating you first have to come to grips with why you need to soothe. It’s ok to be sad when things in your life are not going well, that is a normal reaction, but to compound your problems by causing yourself a health risk makes a bad situation worse. Start not by concentrating on food or diet, but rather ask yourself “What can I do to make my life better? What small steps can I take to have less pain, more meaning, more community, and more purpose in my life?” If this seems like more than you can handle I recommend you consult a therapist to help you on your journey. The more you solve the issues in your life, and feel happier and more fulfilled the less you will need to lean upon food to soothe you.
Habit and Ritual
A few weeks ago I read the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, and it was a real eye opener. One of my favorite exercises he outlines is to take a sheet of paper and write down everything you do in a day, looking for habits and patterns. Not only that, but look for the cues that lead to the habits you practice in your everyday life. When I did the exercise I was blown away by how many times I checked the fridge, watched a video about food, and opened my pantry. Habits can be insidious, sometimes we develop a habit to solve a problem we have, and that habit can get conflated with another cue, and we end up developing a habit in response to a disconnected cue. Confusing right? Many times we eat not because we are hungry, but because we have developed habits that do not serve us positively. The first step to change a habit is to identify it, understand the cue, and develop obstacles to help discourage bad behavior and rewards to encourage good behavior. Unfortunately this is something you have to take day by day and good habits develop slowly. I recommend reading James Clear’s book and applying the concepts to your negative eating habits.
Lack of Self Care
After I tried intermittent fasting for the first time I noticed a trend in my eating patterns. After my eating window closed I often would find myself ravenously hungry. I would often eat after my window was closed, and didn’t understand why it was so hard stay within my window. It wasn’t until I looked at my calorie tracker that I realized that my late night meal usually made up about 40% of my total calories for the day, meaning that if I skipped my last meal of the day then I would be in such a calorie deficit my body would essentially freak out and I would overeat to compensate. There is a widespread belief that you are in charge of your body, but the truth is your body is in charge of you, and you have a limited amount of influence over it. That means it is better to work with your body, listening to it and being mindful of its needs than to try and work against it. Taking the time to learn your body’s needs, it’s cravings, and being patient while changing your habits is essential for creating lasting dietary changes.
Weight management is never easy. Especially if you’ve led your entire life as an obese person, and developed habits that no longer serve you. The task to maintain a healthy weight can seem enormous. All we can do however is take one day at a time, take the time to learn ourselves, understand why we eat, and only compare ourselves to the person we were the day before. I bid you good luck on your journey.
Sincerely,
Rodney